You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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