Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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