Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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