he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
