She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
