Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
