Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
