my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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