My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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