all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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