Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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