bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
