oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
