the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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