You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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