if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
