....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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