Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
