Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we're making bets on your personal life
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize