Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
