I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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