I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
