I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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