loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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