Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
