Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
