apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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