he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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