The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you had me at cake vodka
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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