Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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