3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
