I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
