I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
