he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
