2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
