He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
