I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
