ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
