and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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