Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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