Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
