Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
