Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
