shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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