What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
