I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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