So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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