So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize