I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
