its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
