even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
