I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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