You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize