Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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