we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
