the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
