Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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