I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
