I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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