Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't deserve a penis
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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