do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
