I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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