The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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