How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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