I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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