$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
