Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
