He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I won't apologize to a one balled man
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
