the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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