yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
