please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize