He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
