I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
