and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
