Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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