i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize