Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
