I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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