I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
