i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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