If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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