Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I showed him my bush... on skype.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
