**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
