If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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