i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I want is dick and wine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
