note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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