After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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