the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize