she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
