dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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