i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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