I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
