Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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