Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
