i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
