Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
