is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize